In less than a year

We've gone from Future Mr and Mrs...to Mr and Mrs...to what now feels like roommates.

I don't know who this man is I'm leaving with. He isn't the sweet, caring, calm, level-headed man I married.

In October 2010 B pulled a muscle while at work on the plane. The pain from this pulled muscle caused him to pass out....for those of you who have any knowledge about the airline industry...you know this is a big UH OH!

Since Oct, we have been fighting to get his medical back. 5 doctors have told us and the FAA they believe it was just a vasovagal attack and nothing is wrong, yet they can not diagnosis this for certain. So we are grounded.

As some of my long ago readers may remember B and I did not get to go on our planned honeymoon because he got sick in the airplane as we were going to leave the states for Mexico. So we had planned on taking one in December when his next scheduled vacation was. We were going to go to Paris...the off season for travel there and would have been able to use our flight benefits. Don't ya know....you can't non-rev on other airlines while you are on sick time....therefore Paris was called off...

We were able to go to Montreal (because that is one place his airline does fly to)...just where you want to go in the middle of the winter! It was nice we were able to get away from home...but it was nothing special...snow covered with not a whole lot to do in the winter.

I was suppose to go back to MN for Christmas...but again using the rule of only being able to non-rev on his airline...that gave me one flight a day to get home...wasn't going to work out...so I missed out on Christmas! YAY....Life as a pilot's wife...sucks...

Now the new plan for B is to study for his GMAT and get his MBA.

This means our apartment has turned into basically a dorm room...he is studying all the time...and spending no time focusing on us.

We've had to ask both sets of our parents for help with our finances. EMBARRASSING!

We had plans for this summer for me to get to go down to part-time at work...but with the loss of his income and did I mention the GOOD insurance from the airlines..I have to work as many hours I can get. Which isn't a lot when Doctors are out of the office every week meaning an x-ray tech has to take a day off...and with so few of us...it seems to be my turn every few days.

My whole income will now be going to insurance and my student loan payments. Which is great since you know...we need to put a roof over our heads and food on the table. Not for our sake but for the sake of B's son A.

I'm sorry this post has been about complaining..I've run out of outlets and need to put my anger somewhere.

I hate my life. I'm sick of fighting every day with my husband...who after yesterday I've started calling roomie...because he doesn't feel like a husband...he feels like a roommate. and i don't want a male roommate! They are no fun! We snap at each other all the time...there is so much tension its like walking on egg shells every day from the moment I wake up to the final tug of the covers because...with our king size bed he seems to still not get enough covers..when I'm barely covered at all...

Any advice out there???

I pray everyday...I'm really starting to rely on my faith in the Lord...but I'm beginning to lose hope at the same time...I'm not strong enough for this...if i didn't have the Lord on my side I know i'd be a lot worse off then I am...but something has to give......

SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thanks for listening!

Signing Off

a.....lost and hopeless....

~*KJ*~

Edit after the comment I received:

B is not able to get Workers comp, because the injury is over. It is the passing out on the plane that is the problem. The FAA took is medical license away. Worker's Comp says that this has nothing to do with the injury and therefore will not cover anything for us!...But thanks for the thoughts!