My First Step To Therapy

Well, after a happy post must come a sad one right?? Anyway I’m going to be using this as a bit of therapy, which by the way I’ve come to the conclusion I need!!

Let me take you back a few months to November. November 4th to be exact, B’s son turns 2. A week prior, we had our 2 year anniversary. If that isn’t tough enough.

A day before Thanksgiving a get a call from B telling me his son has been put into foster care. (Prior to this son’s mom has had custody). B can’t fix the situation until the Monday after because it being a holiday weekend and all social services is closed. Turns out son (we’ll call him A) was outside NAKED in the cold tundra of the midwest (closer to canada then anything else) in November. Anyway A is okay now, however he is in B’s custody. Now B being a FO almost at his two year mark, can not provide the correct child care while at work for A. So A is now with B’s parents 4 states away.

This has created a few problems for us.

1) B has to split all his free time from work between me here and A four states away, which is about 3 days a week.

2) I’m now starting to feel resentment and anger towards B for having a child with another woman, other than being a little let down before that I wouldn’t have his first child, this is new. I don’t think I’ve ever been this upset about something that was needless to say just a mistake.

3) B and I fight alot now because of reason number 2. When I tell him I need more time than a day every week, which is about what I get, and the random 5 min phone calls here and there every day or so. He pulls the whole “what do you want me to do card” and other than telling him I need more time, I don’t know how he can fix it! BUT I NEED HIM TOO!!!

Tonight put me over the edge, when since Aug. we’ve been talking about taking a trip, and I tried to discuss it with him this weekend and was under the impression that he would be able to come. So tonight when I went to book my ticket (Spring Break season, I need to make sure I get there and get home on time!) He tells me if he can come it won’t be for the whole week. I’m just so full of anger towards the best guy in the whole world and even the cutest kid in the whole world, I don’t know what to do!

How do I get him to understand the pain I’m going through. Throughout our relationship, I’ve never had to share my time with anyone but the job. Now I’m splitting it with traveling to where A is and work and me. Its painful telling him I understand, when really I do, but I don’t think its fair, or when he asks me if his schedule is fine and telling him “no you can’t go see your son”. Thats tough, and not something I’m made to do.

SIGH

Are boys just really that emotionally clueless? Even the sensitive ones? And of coarse, my parents are worried about me but they don’t know what it feels like to go through this alone, neither do my friends. And don’t forget I’m trying to make it at my 40+ hour a week internship that includes classes and exams every freaking week!!! (I even have a final tomorrow) I’m so stressed out over my relationship that my studies are slacking. I’m really beginning to think I need therapy and medication to get through. That is not how I planned my life. And I don’t’ like planning it without B either.

Thats enough for tonight, I’ve calmed down a bit, maybe enough to even sleep.

Good night, and if you have any advice, please feel free to comment!