So, first of all I need to state something: I am no expert in relationship including my own. Secondly, my relationship is not perfect, but really is any relationship perfect?

Now that I have stated that I received an email a few days ago asking me, How I could possibly have dated a pilot for three years, how did I make it work?

You ( the reader) did not know me three years ago, when B went off to ground school. We had been dating for a little over six months at that point. We had seen each other 3-4 days aweek! All of a sudden I saw him 2-3 times that summer! Not only that but he had no time for me. His after class time was spent studying or out with the class. AND! I lived with two other girls, (bless their hearts, i miss them and love them dearly) who had boyfriends, they saw everyday, and I saw almost daily. Makes it rough! 

We had a lot of fights that summer, over my not being a priority. Realize will you that this is before his flight benefits kicked in. 

I complained a lot, to him, to myself, probably to every one I met! 

Then school started up again for me, and he had flight benefits, but was on reserve. (for those not in the know: he as "on-call", he had to be an hour and half from the airport, not farther, I lived four hours away. Sometime even had to be on ready reserve meaning at the airport ready to go.) This also meant he was the low man on the pole! The worst schedules! He had to work every weekend, while I was in school therefore his days off I had classes. Again...fights happened. We broke up once even! Granted five minutes later I called him back and asked him to take me back. I always did the initiating of those fights and break-ups. I think he, not that he would admit it, but understood where I was coming from and knew I needed to yell a bit. 

Then he got higher on the list, much better schedules! I saw him almost every weekend! 

Then...he got custody of A. Who has to live out of state with B's parents due to B being a pilot. This meant, days off where spent out of state with A. Not with me. 

This caused a lot of stress on me. 1) Mad because I'm not seeing B. 2) Mad at myself for being mad that B was with his son, and not me. 3) Tension due to 1 and 2 between B and myself. 

Yet at this point B was still able to hold an okay schedule that I'd get a few days a month with him.

Then, (this is now last summer) B choose to upgrade to captian...putting him last on the list again..shitty schedules and reserve. 

We are still at that point. I've seen B twice in the last two months, and from my last posts you can tell that we've rarely talked on the phone even. 

I'm not sure how we've made it, really I'm not. 

I know I love him. I know I've loved him since day one. (what can I say...a man who opens the doors for me and pays for my dinner, is all it took! The few boys before him...not great!) 

I know its taken alot of work, on both our parts...I've had to grow a lot. I've had to become more accepting. He had to grow as well. We've grown as a couple.

I think you really just have to step back at times, regroup, as an old friend would say, take a breath.

There are others out there for have been doing this longer than me, but I know that the reasons we've said together are Love and Trust. I trust him whole heartedly and I love him with my whole heart. 

I think when someone is the right person for you, you just know it. And if something is worth anything to you, you will do whatever it takes to keep that thing around. For me that thing is B. I'll do anything to keep him in my life. I think it also helps that we both have a huge faith in the Lord above. Without him nothing is possible, thats my feelings. 

Have I helped at all?

I'm just rambling now...anyway I'll do better about being on my msn so if you wanna chat there we can, anyone. 

Just remember there are others out there going through what you are going through. 

Also if its meant to be it will be. 

Okay....well there you have it...I'm going to go check out a few other blogs now..

Signing Off
A ready for school to be done

2 Thoughts From Readers:

jen said...

love it.
you are right. being the wife of a pilot takes A LOT of flexibility. trust in each other. and plain and simple ... LOVE.
(and the ability to often look for the bright when things aren't much looking that way.)
if you want it. you make it work.
(and there really are perks ... sometimes. missing daughter's birthdays ... not so much. missing anniversaries ... not so much. but the ability to hop on a plane and fly somewhere ... at any time ... is kinda cool. though you have to be a little flexible there too!)
oh ... and having your bed to yourself occasionally is nice too.

Elsja said...

I TOTALLY know where you are coming from. Not only did I start dating a pilot 3 1/2 years ago, I also lived in another country!! We saw each other for 1-3 weeks every 2-3 months or so. Times apart were hard, but it was probably good because he was so busy studying and working his way into an airline.

Now I am right where you are. He's upgraded to captain and his months of wonderful rosters and tons of time off are GONE. He's back down at the bottom of the list and it sucks. I really had gotten used to him being home so much and getting any days off that he needed.

Hopefully they will keep moving up that ladder!

It's so true though, if something is worth it- you just do what you have to do to make it work. 2 years of long distance was VERY hard, but we loved each other and were so dedicated that we made it happen. If we survived that, we can survive this whole crappy roster thing, right? :)