So Alone...(Again)

Well a lot has happened since my last post, as usual!

In April B and I went to Florida to visit my cousin. We had a blast.

Before and after my trip, myself and 3 “friends” were looking into getting a place to live together for this year. I got a call one night saying the four of us need to talk, so I agreed. I ended up going to one of the girls places and basically walked into a big talk about me, and jess, the one i was living with at the time. The other two had basically been put in the middle and had had enough. However, they basically choose Jess’s side and have left me out to dry. Even though Steph and I were really close.

So here I am again Living alone and loving it. HOWEVER!! I’m so sick of feeling like I have no friends, except when they are having an issue.

To make it worse…B has upgraded to captain, back to 10 days off and is based in Detroit now, not Minneapolis. and he has to go to Ohio on his days off still has his son is still out there. So B has no more weekends off, I’m at clinicals almost all every day, and now when I’m not at the hospital as a student I will be working. So seeing him is going to be almost impossible. And he doesn’t seem to think you can drive from Minneapolis to here. Like the road only goes one way. He had a high speed last night and doesn’t fly until 8 am, tonight would have been a good time to hang out, but he has things to do. Like I don’t all the times I make trips to him!!! But I do it, because I want to spend time with him. Seems as though that is a one way thing as well lately. He had all day to get his things done, then he could have came up for a little bit and drove back, its only an hour drive, and I do it quite a bit!!! However, when I bring it up all he says is I’ve been doing things, and still have things to do!! I just don’t get it.

I don’t understand what is so wrong with me that people in general don’t like to hang out with me. I don’t think I smell, I don’t need anything from people but companionship. I’m smart, and I’m not THAT ugly, I’m by no means hot, but on my good days, i don’t think i look to bad.

IF anyone out there has gone through this how did you make it through?? I’m sick of only having “friends” because that person needs something from me, or because no one else was around. I just don’t get it….HELP!!!!!

Okay, well thats enough!

I just needed an outlet thanks for letting me vent, maybe tomorrow will be better!