Looking Up

Well B and I had a super long, serious discussion last night, and I think we are starting to understand a little bit better. I really think a lot of everything that happened last night was because of things at school as well. I was really stressed out last night, but some of it was our relationship as well.

B is in DSM for the night, first night of a 3 day. Barely talked to him.. but hey I guess whats what happens when you are a big ol’ captain on the bottom of the list.

He had two high speeds before tonight so he was tired when I talked to him at 2130. He had already taken a nap by mistake. He is so cute when he is tired. However I don’t think I’m going to be to sad about not seeing him on Sunday when he is done! The last day of four and five days can be rough, this is the last day of 6days on duty. Watch out!

Today was a pretty good day that the hospital for me, we only had one procedure in my room all day, which after the week of running with my head cut off and recovering from a cold, I was happy about. Made for a long day, and having a suduko puzzle I couldn’t get made it worse.

So I started making calls today about going to a therapist. Turns out its expensive!! And its hard to call people on a Friday at 1630-1700! LOL. So I’ll start over on Monday.

Anyway, Tomorrow looks like a day of laundry and unpacking the few boxes I have left to unpack. Also a trip to Target and Sam’s Club. If I get around to it!

Sunday, I’ll probably study my chapter on facial bones some more, and then maybe If B is really nice, I’ll go down to MSP to see B, his parents and his son.

Okay folks, thats all Have a good weekend!

KJ

So Alone...(Again)

Well a lot has happened since my last post, as usual!

In April B and I went to Florida to visit my cousin. We had a blast.

Before and after my trip, myself and 3 “friends” were looking into getting a place to live together for this year. I got a call one night saying the four of us need to talk, so I agreed. I ended up going to one of the girls places and basically walked into a big talk about me, and jess, the one i was living with at the time. The other two had basically been put in the middle and had had enough. However, they basically choose Jess’s side and have left me out to dry. Even though Steph and I were really close.

So here I am again Living alone and loving it. HOWEVER!! I’m so sick of feeling like I have no friends, except when they are having an issue.

To make it worse…B has upgraded to captain, back to 10 days off and is based in Detroit now, not Minneapolis. and he has to go to Ohio on his days off still has his son is still out there. So B has no more weekends off, I’m at clinicals almost all every day, and now when I’m not at the hospital as a student I will be working. So seeing him is going to be almost impossible. And he doesn’t seem to think you can drive from Minneapolis to here. Like the road only goes one way. He had a high speed last night and doesn’t fly until 8 am, tonight would have been a good time to hang out, but he has things to do. Like I don’t all the times I make trips to him!!! But I do it, because I want to spend time with him. Seems as though that is a one way thing as well lately. He had all day to get his things done, then he could have came up for a little bit and drove back, its only an hour drive, and I do it quite a bit!!! However, when I bring it up all he says is I’ve been doing things, and still have things to do!! I just don’t get it.

I don’t understand what is so wrong with me that people in general don’t like to hang out with me. I don’t think I smell, I don’t need anything from people but companionship. I’m smart, and I’m not THAT ugly, I’m by no means hot, but on my good days, i don’t think i look to bad.

IF anyone out there has gone through this how did you make it through?? I’m sick of only having “friends” because that person needs something from me, or because no one else was around. I just don’t get it….HELP!!!!!

Okay, well thats enough!

I just needed an outlet thanks for letting me vent, maybe tomorrow will be better!